I had initially intended to name this blog “Getting my (Expletive Deleted) Together,” but then it occurred to me that I might someday want to show this work to my children, and I’d rather not have to explain to them that I had once failed to gather my feces properly. I don’t have any illusions that their mother’s lack of togetherness will come as much of a shock to them, but hey, I still think my mother is amazingly together no matter how many times she explains to me that she is not. So, together, we shall pretend that my future children believe in my future perfection and to upset their fictitious grown-up apple carts would be cruel. No one wants to be cruel to children who may or may not ever read this. Only you can prevent the death of childhood delusions, internet.
Anyway. Given that that was my tentative blog title, I guess you’ve gathered that I really have lots of stuff I’d like to fix or get together. And, boy howdy, do I ever. You are perceptive, internet. I have, at various times, considered writing: a weight loss blog, a parenting blog, a home improvement blog, a marriage blog, a debt-reduction blog and a teacher-experience blog. With the exception of the teacher part, I tend to feel like I am falling behind the eight-ball in all of those various areas. So, instead of focusing on simply one of my various deficiencies, I’ve decided to highlight all of them. What the hell, if I’m going to embarrass myself in front of the entire internet, I might as well make it count, right?
So, I’m shooting for the stars, non-existent internet audience! This 33-year-old mother of two is going to work on turning herself into a real, live, no foolin’, bona fide grown-up. Over the course of the next week or so, I’ll discuss all the various ways in which I don’t currently meet any known standard of true adulthood, and perhaps begin to put together a plan of self-improvement. After all, what better way to bring true change into your life than to post all of your embarrassing habits and peccadilloes on the internet? Doctors, you say? Life coaches, you say? A priest? A rabbi? A yogi? Oh, internet…as my high school chorus teacher taught me: nothing learns ya' faster than frequent public humiliation.
